Services Offered
Individual Therapy
Shari Botwin, LCSW provides individual and family therapy in her private practice in Cherry Hill, New Jersey and Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania
Clinical areas of expertise include eating disorders, depression, grief, trauma, abuse and medical issues. To schedule an appointment or inquire about professional fees please call 856-424-4004.
Group Therapy
Ongoing Women's Therapy Group on Tuesdays at 4:30 in Shari's Cherry Hill, New Jersey office. Call Shari at 856-424-4004 to set up an intake or for more information!
These groups are comprised of women who are in recovery from eating disorders, trauma, depression, anxiety and/or loss. Members focus on developing alternative coping mechanisms and encourage each other to talk about their feelings. Specific attention is given to building healthier relationships and having intimacy without re-creating old or familiar experiences. The group is comprised of women between the ages of 20 and 60+. For more information on joining this group please schedule a consultation with Shari Botwin, LCSW.
To get an idea of what Shari’s groups are like please read the following excerpt from the group therapy chapter in “Free At Last!”
Free at Last! Taken from Shari's book: Free at Last, Chapter 4
How to use Relationships During the Healing Process
Group Support as an Adjunct to the Therapist
I have been running ongoing therapy groups in my private practice for over 12 years. The groups are comprised of women who have a history of trauma and also survivors of eating disorders. Each group has five or six members, all females between the ages of 18 and 60. The following vignettes from my practice demonstrate how therapy groups can be an integral part of moving beyond trauma and eating disorders.
My Monday night group consists of five women between the ages of 30 and 50, survivors of trauma, who are also battling life-long patterns with destructive eating patterns. I created this group within months of opening my practice to provide survivors with additional support to individual therapy.
Michele came to group after struggling with bouts of anorexia and compulsive eating for twenty-five years. She had a history of being emotionally abused by a family member, lost her dad to heart disease when she was twelve years old and began using food right after her dad died. For her, this was a way of acting on the guilt and responsibility she felt for her dad’s death. The destructive behaviors became her way to release the feelings of loss and shame associated with emotional abuse she encountered by another family member.
Jackie, another group member, had endured years of physical abuse and neglect by family members. In addition, she developed anorexia and, due to it, nearly lost her life in her late teens. As a child she suffered severe health problems and was hospitalized for life threatening medical problems for over six months. Her biological dad walked out of her life immediately after she was released from the hospital. While she lived with her mom and later her step-dad, she grew up feeling alone.
Tracey started group after struggling with bulimia and anorexic tendencies that began right after her mom died from cancer when she was 13. In addition, a family member sexually abused her throughout her childhood while other family members neglected her. After the abuse stopped, Tracey continued to feel the remnants of her past and suffered with low self-esteem and low self-worth. This led to a pattern of being in relationships that were destructive and hurtful.
Unlike other group members, Sarah began group years after she began going for counseling. Her drive to connect with other survivors occurred after she recognized that she was currently in an abusive relationship with her spouse. Throughout her childhood, she was made to feel like she wasn’t important and was tormented by her siblings. She developed binge-eating patterns early in her life to cope with the pain from feeling unaccepted and unlovable.
Rochelle entered group after separating from her emotionally abusive spouse. Her incentive to get support was to work through the pain from her separation as well as facing past sexually and emotionally abusive relationships. She remembered, as a child, binging on food to get through many hurtful experiences before she could even read or write.
Initially, members connected around their struggles with their eating disorders. We quickly moved from talking about symptoms and coping mechanisms to the layers underlying their eating disorders. Briefly into the beginning of the group process, Rochelle became frustrated with Jackie and Michele’s conversations about food. At this point Rochelle had a better understanding of her eating disorder and the connection it had to the years of emotional abuse she had suffered through. Gently, she said to Jackie and Michele, “It is so much more than the food, you guys.” Tracey chimed in and agreed with Rochelle.
We spent a few weeks talking about how their eating disorders became a safety mechanism and how that affected them in their relationships. For example, Rochelle spoke about how, “the extra weight could have been a way to have some distance in my relationship.” Michele began to understand and talk about the part of her that wanted to join her deceased dad through the eating disorder. Tracey told us, “I use my eating disorder to get rid of and stuff down the feelings associated with my sexual abuse.”
Weeks later, a shift occurred. Not only were members talking about their feelings, but were letting themselves experience their feelings together. If we could have only prepared for the weeks to come!
A few months after Jackie joined group, Rochelle began having very negative feelings towards her. At times the tension was so immense we all began to feel it with them. Not knowing what the tension was about, we began talking more with Rochelle about what she was feeling during group therapy. She said, “I used to look forward to so much to coming to group and now I want to quit.” At first her reason for wanting to quit was because another member recently left group, but we knew it was more than that.
At the onset of our relationship, Rochelle and I began helping her work through and understand her experience of being in an emotionally abusive relationship. She struggled to trust herself with her feelings around the abuse and often questioned her reaction to what was done to her. She said things like, “Maybe it wasn’t that bad or maybe I’m crazy.” That all changed when Jackie came to group. Rochelle progressively became more and more angry during group. Unlike Jackie, Rochelle was openly emotional in group sessions and could easily show others her sadness, pain and anger. When she spoke, Jackie appeared very stoic and unaffected. This reaction made Rochelle angry, yet she could not address her anger in group, and it interfered more as the weeks went on.
Then the explosion happened. After about five weeks, the group confronted Rochelle and told her how concerned they were for her. Michele said, “You are not the same in here anymore.” As members continued to express their concerns, Jackie was silent and Rochelle sobbed. Midway through the confrontation Rochelle sat upright and said, “I am thinking of giving my two weeks notice.” That did it. We braced ourselves as Jackie began to confront Rochelle and they had it out.
Through a lot of tears, Rochelle began telling Jackie, “When you sit and stare at me blankly when I talk, I feel like I am sitting in the room with my perpetrator. It doesn’t even seem like you care.” Jackie sat patiently and when Rochelle was finished she asked, “When are you going to start dealing with what happened to you? Just because I remind you of your perpetrator doesn’t give you the right to take it out on me.” For a moment I think we all stopped breathing. Jackie ended by saying, “You don’t have to come here, and I am not going to leave because of what you feel towards me.”
Surprisingly, this was the turning point for Rochelle. After sitting with her feelings, she broke down and acknowledged her misdirected anger. Then, Jackie explained that her stoic like stance was her own reaction to being abused as a child. She said, “People often misunderstand me because I don’t show my feelings. I had to do this to survive. It was my way of coping with the abuse.” Members praised both of them for their courage in addressing and working through the tension. This marked the beginning of members being able to use their relationships with each other to begin healing.
When Michele was about to be married and Sarah joined the group, another shift occurred. The group members were beginning to acknowledge the losses they had suffered due to the abuse. In the next few months, Michele began sharing her struggle in letting go of the caretaker role in the family. At the age of twelve, she had lost her dad to heart disease.
In one group session, Michele sat quietly as Sarah spoke about the recent death of her father. In one group session, Michele sat next to Sarah. Over time I noticed Michele pulling further away as she leaned into the couch and make little eye contact with Sarah. At times I caught glimpse of Michele as she literally swallowed her sadness and anger.
During one particular session with Sarah, Michele finally opened up and began to sob and cry for her dad. With tremendous pain she said, “I cannot believe my dad is gone. How could he do this to me?” We sat still as members recognized this was the first time Michele really let herself feel her anger and longing for her dad. Sarah reached out to her through her grief and nonverbally validated Michele with nods of agreement. Michele’s expression of anger and sadness opened up the door for other group members to begin dealing with the loss of their childhood.
Tracey, another group member, got in touch with her feelings for her mother, who also died from cancer when she was a teenager. At this point, members were being challenged to acknowledge that they felt at fault for their losses and the abuse they had suffered. I pointed out that members shamed and blamed themselves when Michele and Tracey were sharing about their losses and when other members were talking about the abuse. Initially, Michele denied this notion as she said, “Of course it was not my fault,” yet, Tracey saw it differently. She cited many examples where , “Nineteen years later I still think I am at fault.” She went on to tell us, “I always think it is me.” With force she said, “I hate feeling this way!”
This was the first step the group had taken in moving past the trauma and abuse they had encountered. At this point I introduced the concept of a road that forks. Going to the right would mean staying in the abuse, being stuck in the center would represent the shame and guilt that held them back and choosing another path meant giving themselves permission to no longer feel responsible for what was done to them.
As group members opened up and talked about their relationships, some members began to look at some of the more difficult issues. The group explored the impact of the abuse and how the eating disorder became a way to re-live and recreate the abuse done to them and the feelings around their losses. For months Sarah expressed admiration towards the others in their ability to overcome and find alternative coping mechanisms to the eating disorders. In one session she said, “There is a lot of hope in this room. I never imagined myself being free from my eating disorder until I joined this group.” Members offered her a lot of support and Rochelle said, “It wasn’t until I began dealing with my abuse that I had moments of freedom from the binges.”
Others began to realize that they too used their eating disorder symptoms to survive. Michele described her eating disorder as a way to deal wit her longing and pain to be parented. “My obsession with food was the only thing I could hold on to.” Rochelle went on to say, “I used my eating disorder as far back as I can remember. I didn’t know what else to do.” Jackie said her anorexia was the only way she could find a sense of identity and purpose.
Sarah realized she had been eating compulsively to deal with the rage and despair she had buried and continued to push away in her current relationships. With trepidation she began talking about some of her relationships and at one point had even asked me in individual therapy, “Do you think I am being abused?” As time went on Sarah looked more closely at her life. Now she was asking herself, “Why am I in an abusive relationship?”
As a result, other members asked themselves the same question. In the weeks that followed Jackie’s story began to change. Michele came forward, too. They were no longer describing their relationships as perfect, but all of them began bringing the negative parts of their relationship into the group.
This marked another turning point in the group. Members joined forces and decided they were no longer going to accept feeling abused. Sarah began sharing more about her experiences with her abuser, then others followed. Members were shocked at what the other reported and constantly validated each other. Repeatedly, members said to each other, “You deserve so much better,” and “That is not okay.” Members joined forces and decided they were no longer going to accept feeling abused by family members and/or loved ones.
After three months, Jackie stood up to her abuser. Members responded with surprise and admiration when she told us, “I told my abuser ‘you mentally abuse me.” Within weeks Michele confronted her abuser and Sarah began asserting herself and setting limits with her abuser. Members became witnesses to each other’s pain, struggle and growth. Over time, the group continued to bond. For months to follow, members continued working on their relationships from the past and present. Our Monday night group became a united force in which members drew on each other’s strength and courage to live a full and happy life.
Shari Botwin, LCSW provides individual and family therapy in her private practice in Cherry Hill, New Jersey and Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania
Clinical areas of expertise include eating disorders, depression, grief, trauma, abuse and medical issues. To schedule an appointment or inquire about professional fees please call 856-424-4004.
Group Therapy
Ongoing Women's Therapy Group on Tuesdays at 4:30 in Shari's Cherry Hill, New Jersey office. Call Shari at 856-424-4004 to set up an intake or for more information!
These groups are comprised of women who are in recovery from eating disorders, trauma, depression, anxiety and/or loss. Members focus on developing alternative coping mechanisms and encourage each other to talk about their feelings. Specific attention is given to building healthier relationships and having intimacy without re-creating old or familiar experiences. The group is comprised of women between the ages of 20 and 60+. For more information on joining this group please schedule a consultation with Shari Botwin, LCSW.
To get an idea of what Shari’s groups are like please read the following excerpt from the group therapy chapter in “Free At Last!”
Free at Last! Taken from Shari's book: Free at Last, Chapter 4
How to use Relationships During the Healing Process
Group Support as an Adjunct to the Therapist
I have been running ongoing therapy groups in my private practice for over 12 years. The groups are comprised of women who have a history of trauma and also survivors of eating disorders. Each group has five or six members, all females between the ages of 18 and 60. The following vignettes from my practice demonstrate how therapy groups can be an integral part of moving beyond trauma and eating disorders.
My Monday night group consists of five women between the ages of 30 and 50, survivors of trauma, who are also battling life-long patterns with destructive eating patterns. I created this group within months of opening my practice to provide survivors with additional support to individual therapy.
Michele came to group after struggling with bouts of anorexia and compulsive eating for twenty-five years. She had a history of being emotionally abused by a family member, lost her dad to heart disease when she was twelve years old and began using food right after her dad died. For her, this was a way of acting on the guilt and responsibility she felt for her dad’s death. The destructive behaviors became her way to release the feelings of loss and shame associated with emotional abuse she encountered by another family member.
Jackie, another group member, had endured years of physical abuse and neglect by family members. In addition, she developed anorexia and, due to it, nearly lost her life in her late teens. As a child she suffered severe health problems and was hospitalized for life threatening medical problems for over six months. Her biological dad walked out of her life immediately after she was released from the hospital. While she lived with her mom and later her step-dad, she grew up feeling alone.
Tracey started group after struggling with bulimia and anorexic tendencies that began right after her mom died from cancer when she was 13. In addition, a family member sexually abused her throughout her childhood while other family members neglected her. After the abuse stopped, Tracey continued to feel the remnants of her past and suffered with low self-esteem and low self-worth. This led to a pattern of being in relationships that were destructive and hurtful.
Unlike other group members, Sarah began group years after she began going for counseling. Her drive to connect with other survivors occurred after she recognized that she was currently in an abusive relationship with her spouse. Throughout her childhood, she was made to feel like she wasn’t important and was tormented by her siblings. She developed binge-eating patterns early in her life to cope with the pain from feeling unaccepted and unlovable.
Rochelle entered group after separating from her emotionally abusive spouse. Her incentive to get support was to work through the pain from her separation as well as facing past sexually and emotionally abusive relationships. She remembered, as a child, binging on food to get through many hurtful experiences before she could even read or write.
Initially, members connected around their struggles with their eating disorders. We quickly moved from talking about symptoms and coping mechanisms to the layers underlying their eating disorders. Briefly into the beginning of the group process, Rochelle became frustrated with Jackie and Michele’s conversations about food. At this point Rochelle had a better understanding of her eating disorder and the connection it had to the years of emotional abuse she had suffered through. Gently, she said to Jackie and Michele, “It is so much more than the food, you guys.” Tracey chimed in and agreed with Rochelle.
We spent a few weeks talking about how their eating disorders became a safety mechanism and how that affected them in their relationships. For example, Rochelle spoke about how, “the extra weight could have been a way to have some distance in my relationship.” Michele began to understand and talk about the part of her that wanted to join her deceased dad through the eating disorder. Tracey told us, “I use my eating disorder to get rid of and stuff down the feelings associated with my sexual abuse.”
Weeks later, a shift occurred. Not only were members talking about their feelings, but were letting themselves experience their feelings together. If we could have only prepared for the weeks to come!
A few months after Jackie joined group, Rochelle began having very negative feelings towards her. At times the tension was so immense we all began to feel it with them. Not knowing what the tension was about, we began talking more with Rochelle about what she was feeling during group therapy. She said, “I used to look forward to so much to coming to group and now I want to quit.” At first her reason for wanting to quit was because another member recently left group, but we knew it was more than that.
At the onset of our relationship, Rochelle and I began helping her work through and understand her experience of being in an emotionally abusive relationship. She struggled to trust herself with her feelings around the abuse and often questioned her reaction to what was done to her. She said things like, “Maybe it wasn’t that bad or maybe I’m crazy.” That all changed when Jackie came to group. Rochelle progressively became more and more angry during group. Unlike Jackie, Rochelle was openly emotional in group sessions and could easily show others her sadness, pain and anger. When she spoke, Jackie appeared very stoic and unaffected. This reaction made Rochelle angry, yet she could not address her anger in group, and it interfered more as the weeks went on.
Then the explosion happened. After about five weeks, the group confronted Rochelle and told her how concerned they were for her. Michele said, “You are not the same in here anymore.” As members continued to express their concerns, Jackie was silent and Rochelle sobbed. Midway through the confrontation Rochelle sat upright and said, “I am thinking of giving my two weeks notice.” That did it. We braced ourselves as Jackie began to confront Rochelle and they had it out.
Through a lot of tears, Rochelle began telling Jackie, “When you sit and stare at me blankly when I talk, I feel like I am sitting in the room with my perpetrator. It doesn’t even seem like you care.” Jackie sat patiently and when Rochelle was finished she asked, “When are you going to start dealing with what happened to you? Just because I remind you of your perpetrator doesn’t give you the right to take it out on me.” For a moment I think we all stopped breathing. Jackie ended by saying, “You don’t have to come here, and I am not going to leave because of what you feel towards me.”
Surprisingly, this was the turning point for Rochelle. After sitting with her feelings, she broke down and acknowledged her misdirected anger. Then, Jackie explained that her stoic like stance was her own reaction to being abused as a child. She said, “People often misunderstand me because I don’t show my feelings. I had to do this to survive. It was my way of coping with the abuse.” Members praised both of them for their courage in addressing and working through the tension. This marked the beginning of members being able to use their relationships with each other to begin healing.
When Michele was about to be married and Sarah joined the group, another shift occurred. The group members were beginning to acknowledge the losses they had suffered due to the abuse. In the next few months, Michele began sharing her struggle in letting go of the caretaker role in the family. At the age of twelve, she had lost her dad to heart disease.
In one group session, Michele sat quietly as Sarah spoke about the recent death of her father. In one group session, Michele sat next to Sarah. Over time I noticed Michele pulling further away as she leaned into the couch and make little eye contact with Sarah. At times I caught glimpse of Michele as she literally swallowed her sadness and anger.
During one particular session with Sarah, Michele finally opened up and began to sob and cry for her dad. With tremendous pain she said, “I cannot believe my dad is gone. How could he do this to me?” We sat still as members recognized this was the first time Michele really let herself feel her anger and longing for her dad. Sarah reached out to her through her grief and nonverbally validated Michele with nods of agreement. Michele’s expression of anger and sadness opened up the door for other group members to begin dealing with the loss of their childhood.
Tracey, another group member, got in touch with her feelings for her mother, who also died from cancer when she was a teenager. At this point, members were being challenged to acknowledge that they felt at fault for their losses and the abuse they had suffered. I pointed out that members shamed and blamed themselves when Michele and Tracey were sharing about their losses and when other members were talking about the abuse. Initially, Michele denied this notion as she said, “Of course it was not my fault,” yet, Tracey saw it differently. She cited many examples where , “Nineteen years later I still think I am at fault.” She went on to tell us, “I always think it is me.” With force she said, “I hate feeling this way!”
This was the first step the group had taken in moving past the trauma and abuse they had encountered. At this point I introduced the concept of a road that forks. Going to the right would mean staying in the abuse, being stuck in the center would represent the shame and guilt that held them back and choosing another path meant giving themselves permission to no longer feel responsible for what was done to them.
As group members opened up and talked about their relationships, some members began to look at some of the more difficult issues. The group explored the impact of the abuse and how the eating disorder became a way to re-live and recreate the abuse done to them and the feelings around their losses. For months Sarah expressed admiration towards the others in their ability to overcome and find alternative coping mechanisms to the eating disorders. In one session she said, “There is a lot of hope in this room. I never imagined myself being free from my eating disorder until I joined this group.” Members offered her a lot of support and Rochelle said, “It wasn’t until I began dealing with my abuse that I had moments of freedom from the binges.”
Others began to realize that they too used their eating disorder symptoms to survive. Michele described her eating disorder as a way to deal wit her longing and pain to be parented. “My obsession with food was the only thing I could hold on to.” Rochelle went on to say, “I used my eating disorder as far back as I can remember. I didn’t know what else to do.” Jackie said her anorexia was the only way she could find a sense of identity and purpose.
Sarah realized she had been eating compulsively to deal with the rage and despair she had buried and continued to push away in her current relationships. With trepidation she began talking about some of her relationships and at one point had even asked me in individual therapy, “Do you think I am being abused?” As time went on Sarah looked more closely at her life. Now she was asking herself, “Why am I in an abusive relationship?”
As a result, other members asked themselves the same question. In the weeks that followed Jackie’s story began to change. Michele came forward, too. They were no longer describing their relationships as perfect, but all of them began bringing the negative parts of their relationship into the group.
This marked another turning point in the group. Members joined forces and decided they were no longer going to accept feeling abused. Sarah began sharing more about her experiences with her abuser, then others followed. Members were shocked at what the other reported and constantly validated each other. Repeatedly, members said to each other, “You deserve so much better,” and “That is not okay.” Members joined forces and decided they were no longer going to accept feeling abused by family members and/or loved ones.
After three months, Jackie stood up to her abuser. Members responded with surprise and admiration when she told us, “I told my abuser ‘you mentally abuse me.” Within weeks Michele confronted her abuser and Sarah began asserting herself and setting limits with her abuser. Members became witnesses to each other’s pain, struggle and growth. Over time, the group continued to bond. For months to follow, members continued working on their relationships from the past and present. Our Monday night group became a united force in which members drew on each other’s strength and courage to live a full and happy life.
